R-OCD, R U Right for Me?

Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (R-OCD) is a subtype of OCD in which individuals experience intrusive, distressing thoughts about their relationship, leading to compulsive behaviors aimed at seeking certainty. These obsessions often revolve around doubts about their love for their partner, their partner’s love for them, or fears of infidelity—even in the absence of any real evidence.

Types of R-OCD

R-OCD can manifest in different ways, each with its own set of intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. Below are some common types:

1. Doubts About One’s Feelings

Some individuals with R-OCD constantly question whether they truly love their partner. They may obsess over their emotions, fearing that a lack of intense romantic feelings at all times means their relationship is doomed.

• Example: “What if I don’t actually love my partner and I’m just forcing myself to stay?”

• Common compulsions: Repeatedly checking for feelings of love, comparing the relationship to others, seeking reassurance from friends or online sources.

2. Doubts About Your Partner’s Feelings

Others may fixate on whether their partner truly loves them, constantly analyzing their actions for signs of fading affection.

• Example: “They didn’t say ‘I love you’ before bed tonight. What if they’re falling out of love with me?”

• Common compulsions: Asking for reassurance, replaying past interactions, overanalyzing tone and body language.

3. Fear of Being in the Wrong Relationship

Some individuals obsess over whether they are with the ‘right’ person, fearing that they are making a mistake or missing out on a better partner.

• Example: “What if I’m settling? What if there’s someone out there who is a better match for me?”

• Common compulsions: Making endless pro/con lists, mentally comparing the relationship to others, seeking validation from friends or the internet.

4. Infidelity-Focused R-OCD

A particularly distressing form of R-OCD involves obsessive fears about a partner being unfaithful. Even in the absence of any suspicious behavior, individuals with this type of R-OCD may feel convinced that their partner is cheating or will cheat in the future. These fears lead to compulsions that attempt to “prove” or disprove their worries.

• Example: “They’ve been working late a lot lately. They must be cheating on me.”

• Common compulsions: Looking through a partner’s texts, emails, or social media for evidence of cheating and seeking reassurance by frequently asking a partner, “Are you sure you love me?” or “Promise me you would never cheat.”

R-OCD can create significant distress not only for the individual experiencing it but also for their partner. The constant need for reassurance and validation can lead to emotional exhaustion and strain in the relationship. Over time, compulsive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety may actually reinforce and worsen obsessive fears.

If R-OCD is significantly impacting your well-being or relationships, working with a mental health professional trained in OCD and anxiety disorders can be beneficial. Therapy can provide tools to manage obsessive thoughts, reduce compulsions, and build healthier relationship dynamics. Medication can reduce symptoms as well.

If you suspect you have OCD or just aren’t sure of what you’re experiencing, a psychiatric evaluation is a great place to start.