The Lies We Tell Ourselves
Our thoughts play a big role in how we feel and act. Sometimes, our thinking can be distorted, causing us to see things in an inaccurate or overly negative way. These patterns, called cognitive distortions, can contribute to stress, anxiety, insomnia, and depression. By recognizing and challenging these automatic negative thoughts, we can develop a healthier and more balanced mindset.
Below are some of the most common cognitive distortions, along with examples of how they might manifest in daily life.
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking (Black-and-White Thinking)
This distortion involves seeing things in extreme, absolute terms—either all good or all bad—with no middle ground.
Example: "If I don’t get into my top school choice, I’m a complete failure."
Reality Check: Setbacks do not define your worth or abilities.
2. Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing involves expecting the worst-case scenario to happen and believing you won’t be able to cope with it.
Example: "If I make a mistake during my presentation, my career will be over."
Reality Check: One mistake does not determine your entire future, and you are more resilient than you think.
3. Overgeneralization
Overgeneralization happens when a single negative event is seen as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
Example: “My relationship is over. No one will ever want me. I’ll always be alone.”
Reality Check: One breakup doesn’t mean you’ll never find love again. Relationships end for many reasons, and each experience helps you grow and prepare for a healthier connection in the future.
4. Jumping to Conclusions
This distortion happens when you make negative assumptions without solid evidence. It can include mind reading (assuming you know what others are thinking) and fortune telling (predicting a negative outcome without facts).
Example: "She didn’t reply to my text; she must be mad at me."
Reality Check: People have busy lives, and their actions are not always about you.
5. Personalization
Personalization involves blaming yourself for events that are beyond your control.
Example: "My boss seemed upset today—it must be something I did."
Reality Check: Other people’s moods and behaviors are influenced by many factors that may have nothing to do with you.
6. Should Statements
This distortion happens when you impose rigid expectations on yourself or others, often leading to feelings of guilt or frustration.
Example: "I should always be productive. Why can’t I just get everything done?"
Reality Check: Perfection is not attainable, and trying to meet unrealistically high expectations often results in burnout, not progress. It’s okay to have off days.
7. Mental Filter
Mental filtering occurs when you focus exclusively on the negative aspects of a situation while ignoring any positives.
Example: "I got several positive comments on my presentation, but one person gave me critical feedback—so I must have done terribly."
Reality Check: Focusing only on the negative skews your perception. Looking at the full picture, including positive feedback, provides a more balanced perspective.
These are just some examples of cognitive distortions. The first step toward change is recognizing these unhelpful thinking patterns. If you notice them frequently affecting your mood, anxiety, sleep, or daily functioning, reaching out to a mental health professional can provide valuable support and guidance. Treatment for cognitive distortions typically involves cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which aims to identify, challenge, and reframe these distorted thoughts.
